Again
by AnnaDragonRider
Summary: Just a fluff of MxN :D After Inheritance, Nasuada's the new Queen of Alagaësia. And like other great rulers, there are oppositions to her throne. She has to repeat the Trial of the Long Knives. Will she be able to support that all over again?


Again

After Inheritance, Nasuada's the new Queen of Alagaësia. And like other great rulers, there are oppositions to her throne. She has to repeat the Trial of the Long Knives. Will she be able to support that all over again? MxN

_Hiiii guys! _

_For this Fanfic I want to say that this happens 10 years after Inheritance, don't worry, Nasuada's a Dragon Rider. Murtagh and Eragon are also back and the adversary of Nas is a dwarf of Orik's court, who didn't accept Murtagh's return. _

_I hope you like this! _

I don't want to do this.

I just don't. But what do my opinions matter at this point? It's not me, not my pain, not my fear who are going to repeat the situation all over again. It's Alagaësia. Like always.

I began to realize that everything that I do is for Alagaësia, the Varden. I don't have an option anymore.

I give everything up for Alagaësia, for duty. I think it's part of being Queen, I guess. I don't hate it. Not at all, I just miss commanding that little organization named Varden that used to rebel over Alagaësia. I miss those days.

And here I am, waiting for the start. Just little moments like this can bring loneness to me. Moments when I can think. Moments when I'm able to be Nasuada, even if it's just for a minute.

"My Queen, people are almost ready." Farica told me, nervous. Funny, I'm the one who's supposed to be crying of nervousness.

"Thank you, I'll go in a minute" I answered. I wish minutes would be longer than 60 seconds. That would help me so much.

And I go back to start. I don't want to do this. I don't want to go outside, cutting my arms like a crazy woman, seeing my arms bleeding with everyone watching and making comments about it.

I don't want to feel that knife again.

"Why are you doing this, are you crazy?" A familiar voice echoed through my tent, when I realize it was Murtagh's voice. How much that voice calms me down. Almost incredible. Almost.

"You could say that. But if I'm really crazy, I have a reason" I answered really quickly, really low. So low I'd doubt Murtagh's answer if he wouldn't be a rider.

"You don't have to do this, seriously. I know you've had been through that experience, and I wouldn't feel really well if you'll do it again"

I hesitated. Why? Why worrying about me? Why stopping me from cutting my arms out while I bleed like hell?

"I doubt you know what's the matter of this. I'm not worried about me, my arms, my dripping blood. I'm worried about Alagaësia's throne. I wouldn't forgive myself if I'd let Alagaësia fall into the wrong hands. Not again" I said, looking slightly to his grey eyes, standing up from the chair.

"Could you think about yourself just for a minute in your life? You could die, not that you don't know it, you could pass out, you're putting your life in risk. Are you sure about this?" He asked me, concerned, wrapping me around his arms tightly. So tightly that I can barely breathe.

"I really appreciate your concern about me. Think about myself?" I laughed with no humor in my voice "If I thought about myself we would still be cowering in Farthen Dûr. I already know this, I know how to survive this. I'm not helpless"

"Not that I thought that of you. I just" His voice cracked. His words were stopped like he had lost his voice to speak up "I feel guilty" He finished.

Guilty? I wasn't waiting for that one. Why guilty? He did a lot of things, good and bad, right and wrong, but this? How in the Havens could he have something to deal with this?

"Why guilty? It's not your fault, and you know it. I made my decision when I welcomed you in Ilirea, years ago. I don't change my mind about that" I backed a little so I could face him, look at him straightly "That dwarf challenged me. Not you. I won't let his stupidity get Alagaësia. Not while I live"

He was about to answer when Farica entered my tent to call me. It was now. I've never thought of repeating that, having the same blindness in my eyes, the same pain running in and out in my arms as the Long Knife opens my flesh mercilessly.

He knows he has to leave. He let me out after kissing me. I need this. Sometimes I need to know that I, Nasuada, not the Queen, is important to someone.

"Good luck" He whispers before leaving my tent.

"_You'll be alright. I'm right here, I won't leave you" _The sound of Amara, my dragon, drifted in my mind. I would be nothing without her.

"_I know. Thank you, so much"_

"_It's ok, little. Go on, talk to me if you need to"_ She said.

"_I love you, Amara"_

"_I love you too"_

Farica still waits for me at the end of the tent. I start walking. Slowly. Careful and dreadful steps fill my way through one side to another. When I reach the tent I could hear the cheers and yelling of the people. Of my people.

I could see the knifes.

I want to run, so bad. I want to go back to my tent and pretend that I've never been challenged by that Dwarf, pretend that I don't have to see the sharpened blade again.

But I can't really pretend something like this in this world.

Both of us, me and the dwarf take a few steps forward. I reach one of the Long Knifes.

I don't have one of these in my hands a long time ago. It's scary to realize how intimidating could a simple knife be. How much could frighten me.

I drew the knife towards my left arm. I can't do this, I want to go away.

Why does this have to be so hard to me?

Ignoring my cower thoughts, I slip the blade through my skin. With just a mere cut, my arm starts to let go the red liquid. And the pain takes over me.

It's hard to face that this is just the beginning.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I can barely stand the waight of my body on my knees; I'm feeling the effects of the blood loss. I don't even know how many times the Knife had ripped my skin. I'm just trying to focus on relaxing my muscles and avoid every possible move.

It's my turn, again.

I can barely see, the blindness is taking control of my vision and I feel hot air surrounding me. I'm sweating madly and the blade of the Long Knife is all covered with my blood.

I take the blade to my right arm, slowly, using all of my strength. I lean the blade on my arm.

"Stop, I give up! I can't do this anymore!" The dwarf cried.

I let go a sight of relieve. The first time I feel I can breathe this day, no matter how hard it is to, at the moment.

Simply, I let the Long Knife fall into the ground soundly. Everyone cheer and celebrate my winning. But all I could hear is the suffocating sounds around me, my vision turn really hard to see trough and I feel no strength.

I can see by the corner of my eye, Murtagh getting up from his place, leaving Eragon, Arya, Roran and Katrina on the crowd.

Farica leads me back into my tent, smiling brightly. Like she was proud. Another servant leads the dwarf to other tent, to take care of his cuts.

I don't know if I sit or if I fall into my bed, letting the blood mixed with sweat drip out of my arms.

"_Nas! Are you ok? Don't you dare to be unconscious, just hold on a little longer"_

"_I-I will. I'm here. Amara?"_

"_Yes, little?"_

"_Thank you"_

"_You don't have to thank me, or worrying about that right now. Just relax, and let the pain go away. I'll be here" _

Farica puts my left arm into a bucket of cold water. I look slightly at the red water it turn out to be. Then the same thing with the other arm, while covering my left arm with bandages.

I'm so sick of bandages.

Getting more conscious, I see a shadow walking towards me, with a concerned, worrying look on his face. Murtagh.

"It's ok, you're ok now" He continued to say it while holding me in his arms and whispering in my ear.

"Are you sure?" I asked, sounding more like a freighted animal. The power that those blades have on me, God.

"Yes, I'm sure"

"H-How many cuts have I done?"

"Ten"

Ten? Surprisingly, just one single cut makes a difference, I don't know how, but it does.

"Did I win? Is Alagaësia in good hands" I asked, afraid of his answer. I really can't remember how many cuts have the dwarf done.

He laughed a little at my concern.

"Yes, you won. He only made 8. You did two cuts in one turn, don't worry about anything right now." He told me while holding me even tighter.

When Farica ended she left me with Murtagh.

I don't won't to do anything today anymore. I just want to stay here. He pulls me closer, never leaving the gentle touch or the care about me.

"I was so worried about you" He said, letting me rest against his chest.

"Now you don't have to worry anymore" I assure him. He kissed me slightly, placing a hand on the back of my head and looking into my eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you too" I answered with a smile, a weak one, but a smile. He and Amara are the only things that can make me smile in a situation like this.

"_Feeling better, little?" Amara asks me._

"_Yeah."_

At least, I could prove that dwarf that I'm not the "helpless child" that he thought I were. He challenged me, no one challenge me and wins.

_And that's it! I hope you like it! Please, tell me what you thought about this one-shot in the reviews! It helps me, SO MUCH :D_

_I'm really into MxN things, so… I could bring something soon :D_

_Love you all, AnnaDragonRider_


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